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Pastor's Pen
"March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb." Wouldn't it be
great if we learned to handle the "big deals" in our lives as handily
as this? There is much to be said for the ability to make molehills
out of mountains. The key to greater joy in living may be as simple as
recognizing that life is only as traumatic or distressing as we allow
ourselves to make it. Perhaps we could learn to use use our minds as
"Mood Processors" by changing our habitual ways of perceiving and
reacting to the situations that our lives present. A food processor
takes large chunks of material and cuts them down to bite-size pieces.
A "Mood Processor" would take distorted impressions of situations and
break them down to manageable size. We've heard of living life one day
at a time; this would be rather like eating life one bite at a time.
We all have a built-in mood processor that determines how we respond
to various situations. Whether we experience poise or panic, calm or
crisis in the face of adverse circumstances depends primarily on the
pre-settings of our mood processing mind. The variety of mood settings
available to mind is plainly visible in the variety of ways in which
different individuals respond to the same situation. Our responses
have much to do with our attitudes, which have much to do with our
expectations.
An "attitude" towards life is no more than an internal
mental-emotional-physical setting that has become habitual. Most of
our attitudes developed as unconscious defensive responses to our
perception of life. The perception upon which these responses are
based may not have a strong foundation in reality. Let's look at two
examples of very different ways of looking at life: "Kill or be
killed" and "Live and let live". The "mood processing" power of either
of these phrases lies not in the overt message, but rather in the
subtle assumptions they each carry. One phrase carries the hidden
assumption that situations can be resolved on an "either/or" basis,
while the other phrase carries the equally hidden assumption that a
"both/and" model more accurately reflects the nature of reality. Which
is the more empowering, liberating and expansive of the two points of
view?
How many of our conflicts, both internal and external, are directly
attributable to an attitude of "either/or" rather than a "both/and"
approach to life? "Either/Or" issues an ultimatum. How well do you
respond to ultimatums? How well does life respond to your ultimatums?
How well do you respond to your own ultimatums? "Both/And" opens the
door to peace and understanding. I offer this simple tool with which
to test the validity of this idea in the workshop of relationship. The
next time you find yourself in conversation ready to rebut an idea you
find objectionable with one more to your liking, (falling into your
own either/or attitude), try responding with "Yes, and..." rather
than "Yes, but...." Many times, simply opening the door to the
peaceful coexistence of two ideas will steer the conversation in
uncharted territories of discovery.
Try it!
Life is both the lion and the lamb, the mountain and the molehill, the
journey and the destination.
It's all God.
Yours in love, peace and joy,
Rev. Patrick
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